Sorry guys, I'm on bit of a rage rampage lately. Bare with me.

Why is it that right when I put everything behind me and all is forgotten, a tiny piece of the shit form the past lands on my shoulder and just blows me back to square one.

Yeah I'm not going to lie just to look good and say everything is fine and dandy because its not. I'm still confused, angry, and hurt. I do get to points when it is in the past and I can move on but somehow things keep popping up and slamming me in my face with new details and new bull shit.

It was such a big aspect of my life and maybe you didn't realize that but it wasn't because I depended on you. Shit I did everything I could to stay out of your way unless it was an emergency. I learned the hard way that even then, it wasn't acceptable to ask for a favor. I tried to pay you back for everything that you had done for me before. It wasn't much but I tried. I loved you guys so much. That was my fault.

I made you my life, I trusted you with every aspect on my being. I aimed to make you happy if you had a shitty day. I did it so you felt better and I got to see you happy.

I wanted nothing less for my best friends.

But somehow everything became tangled up for me and it became numb for you. That is okay. You're happier now. You're better now. Shit is perfect for you now. You don't feel like you're needed constantly. You have all the time in the world for yourself.

Thats okay. I just want you to know that while you were still my friend, it was fucking awesome. Yeah, we were children back and I know you are embarrassed by it but that time in my life was amazing. I'm happy to say you guys made my past worth remembering. Worth missing.

In this journal I am only being selfish. I just needed to get a small piece of word off my chest so I can breathe once more.

By this time next year I will be gone. The plan is to move to Huston by next October. I know I had told some of you we would be going to Dallas but V and Kitty have family who live in Huston.

I'll give you guys for info on that when I get the chance. As for now thanks for the ear. Blogging helps me out tremendously.